Lots on my mind - bare with me

Sorry for this, it's going to be boring, but I feel I need to write it down because it's taking up too much mind space.

I'm sure you can imagine with having had a few episodes of haemoptysis (coughing up blood) recently it's been on my mind a lot. For the first few days this time it scared me - not because it hasn't happened before but because it was more than I've experienced - but now I'm less bothered. For 3 days I hardly slept, thinking about it constantly, worrying it was going to happen again and just generally freaking myself out. Wondering what it means for my health.

The fact is I still don't really know what it means for my health. All I know is it's just "one of those things" that sometimes happens in the lungs of people with CF and that I haven't had enough blood to warrant an embolisation (woop! :/ )

Anyway, I thought it had come from my right lung because I had some pain/tightness in there, but during a physio session in hospital I shifted old blood from left side, swiftly followed by more fresh blood. That confirmed for me it's my crappier left lung. In particular, the crappiest bit of my crappier lung! Thinking back to the 2 weeks ago when this all started, I remember feeling a pop at the bottom of my left lung when I went to bed during the day, followed by bit of a gurgle. It made me cough but I didn't think much more of it because sometimes things pop and gurgle and that's that.

What also came back to me was the blood from when I had the nasty cold, that I thought was sinus blood, but now I'm convinced it wasn't. I think I had a small lung bleed during the night while asleep, but there was so much gunk in my chest blocking it from rising to my mouth that it just sat there. I know this now because of the amount of crap that came up before the blood! Duh!

Anyway, tomorrow is the start of my 2nd week of IVs. I did feel a bit better before starting them after a week on oral septrin, but I decided just to stick to the plan of having IVs anyway. From Thursday til yesterday I thought I'd made a mistake because I wasn't shifting a single thing from my chest. I was just getting tight as heck and wheezy during physio, barely even coughing at all. I don't like to take any antibiotics unless I need them so I was getting annoyed with myself. This morning however was like a mass exodus from the lungs so maybe it wasn't such a bad idea after all, just needed time.