Wednesday, 30 June 2010


Just a small update, not a great deal to say if I'm honest.

I'm still working on trying to get my fitness up, but combinations of bloating, not being able to go to the toilet and painful joints are making it harder work than it needs to be! Today I went to the gym as normal, but my ankles have been sore for a few days, and it was absolutely impossible to run through it, so that plan was dashed in an instant and I resorted to walking on an incline and using the cross-trainer. Thought I had a chest infection coming on the other day, was really productive at work (which never happens) and absolutely exhausted with a pounding headache, but the 12 hour sleep I had seems to have made it disappear...fingers crossed lol. It was entertaining trying to bring stuff up in a discreet manner...the boaking and stuff kinda gave it away though...lovely!

My appetite and eating habits are a bit shot to pieces...seem to be managing to miss breakfast every day, and either eat lunch or dinner, not both...ARGH!

I just have to blow my own trumpet for a minute, forgive me, but I made an amazing pot of chicken and rice soup, I'm so proud.

Anyway, keeping it short and sweet, and I'm not feeling moany or anything of that manner, so I'll leave it at that.

Friday, 18 June 2010

running etc.

Or should I change that to "trying to run etc"

I'm no good at running. I can walk well but often get breathless when trying to talk, so you can imagine me trying to jog never mind run lol. I think it's mainly because I've become rather unfit over the last couple of years as opposed to lung function cause my FEV1 was over 100% at last visit. Either way, I can't run!! I'm getting better each time I try but it's gonna take a long time. On my first solo excursion to the gym I managed 2 minutes at 7.5km/h and I was DYING! I could not have felt less fit lol. Next time I got up to 3 minutes and felt a lot better, and then I made it up to 5 minutes but by that stage I was really pushing it and I thought I was gonna have a youtube moment and collapse on the treadmill lol. I forced myself through the last minute, which maybe wasn't a good idea, cause my legs were like jelly and my heart rate was over 170...but hey ho, gotta get there somehow. I'm making up for it today cause my legs are in absolute agony and I'm knackered. Lets hope that the last 3 visits haven't been in vain and I can get to the 4/5 minute mark again on Monday.

I've been getting palpitations again a few hours after each gym session, but no point in worrying about them cause apparently my heart is fine. I also read something today which suggested that a lot of nasal drainage can cause palpitations cause it drains into the lungs and they have a little spasm which knocks the heart, which then has it's own little spasm...who knew! If it's true, that is. I do have a stupid amount of nasal drainage.

I went to my old school's summer concert tonight. It was my sisters last one, and she's the last in the family! My mum has been a proud parent and supporter for 13 years, I think she's more upset about it than Sarah is lol. Anyway, how times change! It's nothing like what it was when I was in the band/choir. We had spotlights and PA systems and it was on for 2 nights and you couldn't get tickets they sold so quickly...tonight the hall wasn't even half full and there was only 1 singer and she never even got a mic. I was seriously shocked cause they were all brilliant and the wind band sounded great. They've started doing school shows again though so everyone goes to see them instead and the band concert is just a last minute thing. I feel bad for the kids, not getting the utterly amazing experience that I had. I lived and breathed the band throughout my whole time in school, and loved every concert. I loved singing solos and playing solo piano pieces and being in the wind band was awesome! We went to Florida and I sang in the 3 choirs. We played in the Royal Concert Hall and travelled all over playing in competitions and festivals. I just think it's a shame for all the kids who are talented and could get somewhere with music...they are missing out on so much! Needless to say, big Nige, our conductor, isn't at the school any more, and the head teacher always hated the band. Nige was a scary man, but he was amazing at his job and I cried when I left the band lol...but then I was always a total music geek!

It occurred to me the other day that no matter what I eat, or how much I eat, I bloat after it. I'm sick of this bloated, gassy tummy and want it to stop!! I'm also wantin to cut out my tongue so that I don't have to feel it all coated and drying up on me all the time lol. I can't really complain about those silly little things though, there are much worse things in this world than a fat belly and dry tongue.

Monday, 14 June 2010

10k and then some

I signed up for the Great Scottish Run 10k. Feel slightly more insane every time I say it lol, but I really need a goal to motivate me into the gym. I'm sure I would go to the gym anyway, I'm gonna be writing it into my diary each week, but having a proper goal and raising money at the same time will make it even more worthwhile.

I also started the hypertonic saline sinus neb again today cause my sinuses are like a non stop stream of grossness. Had a little bit of blood but I think it might be more to do with it making me blow my nose more and it putting pressure on the blood vessels, as opposed to the saline causing irritation...but I could be wrong. Lisa (physio) said it should be ok to go ahead with it again but I've stayed off the nasonex. It's rubbish anyway.

I have the dentist today too. I've been trying to get there since February so didn't hesitate to cancel todays shift when I got the appointment through lol. A wee day off is nice too, but having said that, after tomorrow I'm off (Daldorch) for a week, but I'll need to phone Moorpark and try for weekend nights I think. The money and the fact that James is nights there at the weekend will make it easier to force myself to do it. Hate nights though :(

Sunday, 6 June 2010


I really have nothing to say, so don't ask why I'm writing an update...hoping that something will just flow? perhaps.

There's really not been a lot happening. I had a rubbish day at work yesterday, where I was so mucked about I didn't know if I was coming or going, and ended up in an awful mood for the entire night which meant it took me ages to get to sleep. This wasn't helped by the ridiculous sinus headache I had going on which took over my entire face and head and the painkillers I took made me dizzy when I closed my eyes...happens every so often I suppose though. Basically, I went to my own unit (2CB) and was sent next door to 3, where they also hadn't allocated me. I sat for 1.5 hours waiting to find out what I was doing, before being sent to 1, where I linked for an outing and on my return was sent up to junior campus, to a unit I'd never been in, with staff and clients I had never met. Needless to say I wasn't impressed, and to top it all off a very rude member of staff jumped down my throat about something completely irrelevant. Jumping to conclusions before seeing all the evidence. Sounds stupid when written down, and I don't have a problem with being moved about, I just wish they'd have made up their mind sooner and let me get on with my day!

All that aside, I have absolutely no money, which is making getting through this month seem like a mamoth task, and I hate it when silly things like money play on my mind. At least we bought lots of food after pay day so we shouldn't go hungry. I'm relying on the old credit card which was so nearly cleared off! Yet another thing I'm not impressed about.

There have been a lot of people on my mind lately  - ex friends, new friends (mainly online), acquaintances, family - for various reasons. The main person that keeps cropping up in my dreams is an ex friend and I wish I could just get over it!! It's been over 1.5 years since we stopped talking, but the 16 years of friendship we had before that seem to be making it extremely difficult to let go. At least it doesn't make me upset anymore or consume my thoughts when I'm in a quiet place, but I just really need to let go. The journey we had from primary school, right through secondary and on into her college and my uni just seems irrelevant when we're not even able to acknowledge each other in passing, never mind speak. It was by no means a smooth journey, it had some epic bumps along the way but I thought that's what made us good friends...we knew the good and the bad in each other. I'm scared to look her way incase she can see that I'm still hurting.

Anyway, I'm going shopping today to help my sister finish her prom outfit, and also to get baby gifts for a baby shower I'm going to tomorrow. Claire is absolutely huge! I love baby stuff, it's all so cute, and Laura has bought some exceptionally cute things for baby Molly :)