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Tuesday, 6 November 2012

On a mission

Can't believe this blog now has 100 posts! Most of them are complete and utter pants but heyho!

As the title suggests, I'm on a mission. It's obviously coming to that time of year when the weather is mainly rubbish, it's getting darker, colder, wetter, and more difficult to remain optimistic about life and everything involved in it. After my journey into the deepest darkest corners of my mind at the start of this year, I have decided I need to take steps to make sure I don't end up there again. There was the added complication of being unwell at the time and being given drugs which make you feel even worse, but there is always the possibility that could happen again anyway. As a direct result of feeling so crap I lost friends and wasted day after day wallowing in my own sadness.

I already feel a bit better now I'm walking with Fionn every day. We generally walk for between 1 hour and 2.5 hours each day, which is a lot but is starting to feel good. I think I've now managed a whole week without needing to sleep in the afternoon. My annual review lung function was done last week and had gone up by 3% (20% since April) so my lungs are feeling pretty good. My tummy is feeling better now my creon is sorted (1 creon for every 5g of fat) and although my sinuses are infected, I'm so used to them being painful that I barely notice any more unless they're particularly bad.

I have a set up a pinterest and I'm using it at the moment to store things I can look at to keep my mind in a positive state. I generally don't go for the "inspirational quotes" type stuff, I find it all quite sickening at times to be honest, but I'm choosing some that strike a chord and remind me that I'm not actually useless, worthless or any of the other things that we can all feel at times.

Work is pretty steady. I'm up to a ridiculous 22 pupils: 4 on a Monday, 3 on a Tuesday, 7 on a Friday and 8 on a Saturday. Friday and Saturday are all on the mainland, so I still have a way to go to get busier on Arran but it'll happen (and thankfully I've filled the gaps left when 2 or 3 pupils left). I have 4 kids working towards grade 1 at the moment, although I'm anticipating only 2 of them will be ready for the March run.

Tomorrow I'm going to the choir conductors house to "audition" for solos. It's more a "come along and sing some stuff" and if I'm good enough I'll be added to the list of people who are willing to sing solos. The only solo available at the moment is no use to me because of the style, but I'll be keeping my eyes and ears open for 1 that would suit me.

Thursday, 27 September 2012

So since last time things have been much the same to be honest!

I still feel I'm suffering the effects of the cold after nearly 4 weeks, although no where near as bad. Only difference is instead of the phlegmy horribleness being non stop and "viral" looking, it's looking more like infection and tastes awful. I've managed to get through most days this week without a nap though, so that's progress!

I fell out with creon. I stopped taking it, after over 2 years of trying to get my dosage right again. It's been driving me completely insane, and to be honest I just reached the end of my tether with it. However, after enjoying a lovely steak dinner on Sunday night for hubby's birthday, I spent all of Monday is serious pain and all the other things that go along with no creon, so I emailed my dietitian (Diane) and posted on the CF Trust forum to get help to start back on them. Diane and I decided to start again, as if I'd never taken creon before, and we're going to buid up based on symptoms. So today, I have had 6 creon - 1 with breakfast, lunch, and 2 snacks, then 2 with dinner. Nowhere near enough, but better than nothing I suppose. I'm sending her a food diary via email tomorrow so hopefully I'll be on the increase over the weekend.

CF rubbish aside, Fionn and I have been having great morning walks. I started walking him last Thursday, starting at about an hour. Now we're up to 1.5/2 hours, depending on where we go. We have walked through Lamlash - on the beach, grass, roads, pavements - and have twice down to Glenashdale at Whiting Bay. Yesterday we did Glenashdale Falls and out to the Iron Age Fort, and today we came the opposite way, hitting the Iron Age Fort first, then the top of the falls and up to Giants Graves. It's been quite tough on my chest at times with a few steep hills I thought I was going to have to crawl up, but I made it and I didn't kill myself in the process lol. I'm using it to get myself into a better meds routine as well though, nebbing DNase before I go (I've been pretty bad at getting back into taking this properly since the move).

I've joined a choir as well :) It's predominantly elderly people, but that doesn't really bother me. They sing mostly light hearted stuff like Richard Rodgers (Bewitched, My funny Valentine etc) and a medley of songs from Guys and Dolls (love) but there are also a couple of more serious numbers so it's good fun.

I hope everyone is feeling well, much love

Wednesday, 5 September 2012

bad timing

Ever feel like your body is taking the piss out of you? Lol, that's how this week feels.

I got our border collie pup, called Fionn (Fin), on Thursday which was great. With each new day he gets more and more crazy so I can't wait til he's had all his injections and can go for walks instead of tearing through the house, jumping up on the couch and pissing off the cat.

Thursday my appetite was shocking, Friday was the same, then Saturday came and my chest went nuts. Come Sunday I was asleep practically all day, and when I was awake it was like my limbs were lead and just moving was so tough. Yesterday brought a full blown cold into the mix, blood streaking and just generally feeling lousy, so I gave in and phoned the CF team. I'm not gonna be seen unless things don't get better or get worse, but I started on a couple of orals that I have in the house in the hopes that it'll stave off any time off work. In the past I would just have gone up to clinic, but now it's such a hassle and I can't just go without telling anybody now either (as in, family etc).

Looking after a 13 week old border collie is tough work at the best of times, but my patience is wearing extremely thin cause I'm so tired and feeling poo that I just want to go back to bed.

Here are a couple of pics of Fionn when I just brought him home. He was such an angel that day lol


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not many border collies in the world with black, white, tan and grey/black spots.

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sleepy wee dog

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he has such a cute little face


PS I've decided after much discussion that the rabbit shall be called Gandalf. He has the coolest long grey/brown hair so it's quite fitting haha.

Thursday, 30 August 2012

Best. Clinic. Appointment. Ever.

So, the title says it all.

Lungs were stable, weight was up, tummy was a bit rumbly but nothing major. To top it off, they've taken me off flucloxacillin. I feel a bit weird about it after being on it every day for about 15 years, but I haven't grown staph for about a year now and they think it should help with my "candida problem". It better! I'm getting sick to death of the constant low grade pain and the taste and all the symptoms that come with candida in other places. Delightful.

It was also a great appointment because I took along some wedding pictures which distracted everybody enough that there was nothing to moan about haha. Clearly this is the answer to getting through clinic appointments!

Well, we've been in our new house just under a month now (next Friday we hit a month) and today I am going across to the mainland to get a DOG!! We're getting a 12 week old border collie :) It's gonna be a nightmare to start cause he hasn't had any jags so can't do big walks, but we have both had dogs (James had a border collie) and we got Fudge as a pup, so I think we're fairly confident we know what we're doing. We also have the added bonus of a sheep dog trainer who lives next door. As you can imagine, he mainly works with border collies, which is even better.

Work is picking up, slowly but surely. I have 14 pupils on the mainland and all but 1 of them have been with me since before the summer. I even have 1 who has been with me since my very first day, which is brilliant. She did amazingly well in her prep test and is preparing now for grade 1 :) As for Arran, I have 1 singing pupil and 4 piano pupils, and I know I will have at least 1 more of each in the next few weeks once they have returned from holidays. I don't really want to do singing to be honest, it's embarrassing when things start shifting in the lungs and make me cough and splutter all over the place, but there has been demand for it so I can't really turn down the opportunity for more work.

I will post a pic of puppy once I've picked him up. Excited. And James is even more excited! lol

Hope you're all keeping well, and love to Gem who's having a rough time xxx

Thursday, 16 August 2012

little Scotland

Where to start? So much has happened in the last month or so that it's hard to know...

Well, first off, our honeymoon was fantastic. I don't have any of the photos on this computer (I'm on James' laptop cause a whole row of my keyboard doesn't work, and the pics are on my dads computer anyway!) so can't post any on here, but there are lots of them on facebook :) We were in Vallehermoso, La Gomera, and it was relaxing, very interesting, traditional, and just great really. We both enjoyed it so much. You know when you go somewhere and really feel a connection...it was like that for both of us. The people were extremely nice, although they spoke very little English which was a challenge for me as I have never learned any Spanish. We did a few walks, mainly in the National Park (Garajonay), ate out, BBQed, went to beaches, museums, sun bathed, read lots and spent lots of time chilling.

On the Saturday before we left there was a festival on called "Atlantic Sound" (or Atlantico Sonoro) where they had lots of activities on during the day. James had a lesson on the didgeridoo, we both learned how to use the local "clay" to make a dragon tree each (mine was rubbish!) and there were other things on like yoga, pilates, African drumming etc etc. It was basically a hippy festival, it was great fun. That night there was a concert in the main square of Vallehermoso which was awesome! The first band were Spanish and had lots of percussion, including a tap dancer who was used as part of the rhythm section, it was very cool for a music geek. The 2nd band were African and also very cool, lots of drums and strange instruments I'd never seen before. We spent the whole night sitting outside 1 of the bars in the square eating pizza and drinking wine and Gomeron (the local grape brandy mixed with palm honey) and the most hideous shot ever which we could taste for at least 3 days after drinking it. Ew.

Our very last night was spent on Tenerife to make our journey to the airport home easier. Turns out Tenerife is a bit mad and they put lots of alcohol in their drinks. I didn't feel hugely drunk, or certainly not the drunkest I've ever been, but I had the most awful night. It felt like my lungs and sinuses had filled to bursting with mucus and I couldn't breathe properly in my sleep. James woke a few times worrying about how much I was struggling, and the next day I was very sick, which was no fun as half the day was spent in the airport. I was genuinely worried that I'd done damage thanks to not knowing exactly how much I was drinking. At least if you go out in the UK they have specific measures and you know exactly how much you're taking in.

Anyway! When we got home we started packing up the whole house for the move 6 days later. We moved last Tuesday and seem to be settling in quite well. James started back at work yesterday and my mum and sister visited me for a few hours as my sister goes back up to Dundee today and I won't see her again for ages!

As for the title of the blog, as most of you know we have moved to Arran, which is nicknamed "little Scotland", as it's mountainous at the north end and mostly farm land at the south, which is pretty much what mainland Scotland is like. We are living in Lamlash, which is only about 10 minutes drive from the ferry terminal in Brodick, and if you keep going on through Lamlash you hit Whiting Bay, which is nicknamed "little Yorkshire", which I don't think I need to explain lol.

Next week I have my first clinic appointment since moving which is gonna be a complete pain in the neck. It's on Thursday morning at 10.30, which means I need to be on the mainland on Wednesday night so I can be there on time. The other clinic option was Tuesday afternoon, which would be fine for getting off Arran and there on time, but there's no ferry to get me back! It's rubbish to be honest. Means I'm gonna be staying with mum and dad from Wednesday night til Saturday because I'm teaching on the mainland Friday evening and all day Saturday.

I also managed to freak out my new Dr surgery a bit, well, the sister anyway. She admitted herself that she doesn't really know much about CF and was a bit overwhelmed I think by my medical history. So today I'm going to meet my new GP because apparently they like to meet their new patients who have repeat prescriptions. Yawn.

This is a bit of a long blog, apologies, I'll try and update a bit more often so you don't have a book to read!


PS. James and I were very upset to find out that La Gomera has had serious forest fires since we left and that 25% of the National Park has been destroyed and will take at least 30 years to recover. Thousands of people have been evacuated from the west of the island, including from Vallehermoso. Gutted!!!

Sunday, 15 July 2012

Mrs McEnaney!

It's official, I am now a Mrs! lol

This is just a quick post cause I can't really be bothered to write about everything and post pictures yet, I will do that after honeymoon and, lets face it, probably after we move house!

We had a fantastic day, everyone has been commenting on how fun it was and how much they enjoyed themselves. We got a lovely day (it only rained at about 8pm when we were all inside) and the castle was absolutely beautiful. I didn't see how it was decorated until I walked down the aisle, but it really was more than I could have hoped for, thanks to our friend Deborah who did all the flowers and setting up of the castle.    

I was picked up in a 1947 Rolls Royce, previously owned by the Princess of Monaco (mad, I know), so the drive to the castle with my Dad, then on to the reception with James was extremely comfortable! Was practically a leather sofa on wheels lol.

I knew absolutely nothing about the piper we had (one of James' pupils from Arran :) ), and although I knew there was a car coming for me, I had no idea what it was. I also didn't know for certain what the first dance song was going to be...

The evening wasn't the traditional set up. We didn't have a table plan, we didn't have a 4 course dinner, we had about 130 dinner guests and they all heard the speeches and ate from a buffet of haggis, neeps and tatties or jambalaya (actually in most cases they had both). The speeches were absolutely fantastic, kept above the belt apart from 1 joke by the best man which had everyone in knots.

After that we cut the cake then had our first dance to John Martyn - Couldn't Love You More (utterly beautiful) which was performed by our friends Ciaran and Ian. The band (The Tatties) did an amazing job! I'm sure they enjoyed themselves too, and 2 members are our very good friends so that made it much more personal. They didn't play any Queen on James' request lol, but more soul and motown than they normally would. We also had another friend DJ for us, as we thought he did an amazing job at our engagement party.

It's been so nice to be able to pull friends in for jobs here and there, and I really don't think we could have done it without their generosity. My Aunt Rosemary made our cake as our wedding gift as well so that was excellent and looked great!

As I say, I'll post pictures another day, but I wanted to write something just now while it's more fresh. Our friend Sharon videoed the whole ceremony (which lasted 13 minutes btw!) and the speeches, as well as other parts of the day. She also drove James and her partner/best man to the ceremony lol.

I couldn't have asked for a better day. I danced my ass off, feeling like I might die off a few times in the process, and drank too much white wine. I was hungover yesterday and only started feeling better after a roll and sausage followed by a chinese, oh, and a sleep.

I'll report back after the honeymoon. We're off tomorrow night to stay at James' Nana and Papa's house as it's close to the airport, then Tuesday morning at 8.30 we fly to Tenerife South, before hopping on a ferry to La Gomera for 2 weeks! Woop!


PS not as quick a post as I thought, but not exactly an essay either! lol

Wednesday, 11 July 2012

Almost Mrs McEnaney

Tomorrow is my last day as Miss Ruth McDougall. By 3pm on Friday, I'll be known is Mrs Ruth Jay McEnaney. Weird!!!

Everything is all set. I have my beautiful dress, my bridesmaids are stunning as ever, and we're all beautified and ready to go. As is my mum, who is new to the world of spray tanning and visiting a salon in general lol. I think she's been enjoying being pampered though :) James' kilt is ready, as are the other guys' and I think they're all feeling ready now too. Although since yesterday, James has become quiet and is adament he isn't nervous...I think otherwise!

My hen weekend was great! We went to the Stirling Highland Hotel for a spa day, had a 3 course meal in the restaurant then out for cocktails in Stirling. We stayed over in the hotel and spent Sunday outside the castle then in a bar watching the tennis with more cocktails! I had a back massage and a manicure and felt very relaxed after about 3 hours in the spa pool. It was far too hot and made me struggle to breathe at times, but it was worth it lol. We were lucky to get there though, after my friend's brother managed to beach his car in my garden! Hard to explain, but he had completely blocked the driveway and couldn't move forward or backward. That was pretty stressful, but thankfully my neighbours were having work done and the guys came and jacked the car up about 5 times onto a pile of breeze-blocks so he could get out.


James and a couple of his friends went camping to Tighnabruich and had a great time! Came home stinking and knackered, as you would expect. He's having a BBQ tomorrow with all the guys, provided the rain stays away long enough. 


Speaking of rain, the forecast isn't great for Friday. Who'd have thought you'd have a washed out wedding in July....*ha*, but hopefully we'll get a window of dry to take some photos outside then we can get on with the party! Woo!


So, seen as it's my last time, I'm gonna sign out properly


Miss Ruth Jay McDougall