2012

2012 has, like most years, been a mixed bag. It has been amazing at times, but rubbish at others. I've been ill, people around me have been ill, even died from illness, but at the other end, I got married, more or less stabilised my work and turned my health around through hard work and refusal to let it stay bad.

There are people no longer with us who I will truly miss forever. They were lifelines when things were bad, offering support and comfort (from a distance, seen as we couldn't mix!) and just being there to listen to me moan and I hope I was able to do the same for them.

James and I had a fantastic wedding and really loved our honeymoon (take me back!) followed by a house move which wasn't so much fun and new work loads etc. We got a new rabbit after my wee sausage Coco passed away :( We also got our first dog, who is hilarious and just loves his wee life.


As for the end of 2012, it's been good. Christmas was lovely. We spent it with family and just chilled out. James and I have both been ill though. James woke up with a heavy cold on Christmas eve, followed by me on Christmas day. Mine is on my chest, with viral bronchitis, and I can't smell a thing! Boo! I have to go back to hospital 17th Jan for my normal clinic so it better have cleared up with the extra steroid inhaler doses and antibiotics to keep everything else at bay. My sinuses have been rubbish with it, really painful and bleeding while I've been asleep, leading to me coughing up a whole load of old blood when I get upright again. Yum :/

My mum has been coughing since October so my sister and I have been badgering her to go to the doctor for tests. Every excuse under the sun from her, but she better go because it's not just a wee pathetic cough, she says she can't get a breath in and ends up barking and gasping. Not cool, mum, get it sorted.

Today is new years eve. I'm supposed to be in bed still so I can last the night (cannot be bothered, but hey ho) but my stupid stomach woke me up and I caught Fionn chewing my mums new fat face scarf. Now I need to buy a replacement. Great.

I hope you all had a great Christmas and have a good start to 2013 when it comes. I doubt this post makes a whole lot of sense, but thought I'd just pop by to let anyone reading know that I'm still about and still just doing what I do.

HAPPY NEW YEAR when it comes :)

Yoga Cures?

Not sure about that yet, but after trying a few "flows" today for the first time in donkies ages, I'm able to say that it helps at least.

I tried yoga for a stiff neck and back, for hip flexibility, and for all over flexibility. The hip flexibility exercises are rough and I know I'm gonna be in agony tomorrow, but the neck and back exercise was best for me as my lower back always needs cracked out (well, "clunked" might be more appropriate) and instead of just lying on the floor and twisting my lower body as I usually do, I managed to "clunk" it out mid exercise and it's helping my muscles as well. Win. The only drawback is the pressure/pain in my wrists when I've been leaning on them a while.

I found videos on youtube of an American woman who makes it really easy to understand and isn't all foo-foo as a lot of instructors are. Her name's Tara Stiles, so check her out if you're interested. I've been reluctant to do yoga/pilates again for ages cause I didn't like the last instructor I went to (who was terrified of my CF and thought I'd die in her class) so this is a great find. The other thing is that I'm not interested in the spiritual side, I don't want to spend half my time doing hand gestures to the gods etc, and so far she's steered clear of all that. I'm doing it open up my body and hopefully create a happier mind due to having less physical pain to drag me down.

I'm quite confident to do lots of the exercises at home because of my dance history. I know how to keep my hips in line, I know how to tell I'm tense etc, but I doubt I'll be trying any handstands or anything on my own!

Anyway, I'm hoping to do some yoga each morning before I take the dog out, so I'll report back soon with how I'm getting on :)

On a mission

Can't believe this blog now has 100 posts! Most of them are complete and utter pants but heyho!

As the title suggests, I'm on a mission. It's obviously coming to that time of year when the weather is mainly rubbish, it's getting darker, colder, wetter, and more difficult to remain optimistic about life and everything involved in it. After my journey into the deepest darkest corners of my mind at the start of this year, I have decided I need to take steps to make sure I don't end up there again. There was the added complication of being unwell at the time and being given drugs which make you feel even worse, but there is always the possibility that could happen again anyway. As a direct result of feeling so crap I lost friends and wasted day after day wallowing in my own sadness.

I already feel a bit better now I'm walking with Fionn every day. We generally walk for between 1 hour and 2.5 hours each day, which is a lot but is starting to feel good. I think I've now managed a whole week without needing to sleep in the afternoon. My annual review lung function was done last week and had gone up by 3% (20% since April) so my lungs are feeling pretty good. My tummy is feeling better now my creon is sorted (1 creon for every 5g of fat) and although my sinuses are infected, I'm so used to them being painful that I barely notice any more unless they're particularly bad.

I have a set up a pinterest and I'm using it at the moment to store things I can look at to keep my mind in a positive state. I generally don't go for the "inspirational quotes" type stuff, I find it all quite sickening at times to be honest, but I'm choosing some that strike a chord and remind me that I'm not actually useless, worthless or any of the other things that we can all feel at times.

Work is pretty steady. I'm up to a ridiculous 22 pupils: 4 on a Monday, 3 on a Tuesday, 7 on a Friday and 8 on a Saturday. Friday and Saturday are all on the mainland, so I still have a way to go to get busier on Arran but it'll happen (and thankfully I've filled the gaps left when 2 or 3 pupils left). I have 4 kids working towards grade 1 at the moment, although I'm anticipating only 2 of them will be ready for the March run.

Tomorrow I'm going to the choir conductors house to "audition" for solos. It's more a "come along and sing some stuff" and if I'm good enough I'll be added to the list of people who are willing to sing solos. The only solo available at the moment is no use to me because of the style, but I'll be keeping my eyes and ears open for 1 that would suit me.

So since last time things have been much the same to be honest!

I still feel I'm suffering the effects of the cold after nearly 4 weeks, although no where near as bad. Only difference is instead of the phlegmy horribleness being non stop and "viral" looking, it's looking more like infection and tastes awful. I've managed to get through most days this week without a nap though, so that's progress!

I fell out with creon. I stopped taking it, after over 2 years of trying to get my dosage right again. It's been driving me completely insane, and to be honest I just reached the end of my tether with it. However, after enjoying a lovely steak dinner on Sunday night for hubby's birthday, I spent all of Monday is serious pain and all the other things that go along with no creon, so I emailed my dietitian (Diane) and posted on the CF Trust forum to get help to start back on them. Diane and I decided to start again, as if I'd never taken creon before, and we're going to buid up based on symptoms. So today, I have had 6 creon - 1 with breakfast, lunch, and 2 snacks, then 2 with dinner. Nowhere near enough, but better than nothing I suppose. I'm sending her a food diary via email tomorrow so hopefully I'll be on the increase over the weekend.

CF rubbish aside, Fionn and I have been having great morning walks. I started walking him last Thursday, starting at about an hour. Now we're up to 1.5/2 hours, depending on where we go. We have walked through Lamlash - on the beach, grass, roads, pavements - and have twice down to Glenashdale at Whiting Bay. Yesterday we did Glenashdale Falls and out to the Iron Age Fort, and today we came the opposite way, hitting the Iron Age Fort first, then the top of the falls and up to Giants Graves. It's been quite tough on my chest at times with a few steep hills I thought I was going to have to crawl up, but I made it and I didn't kill myself in the process lol. I'm using it to get myself into a better meds routine as well though, nebbing DNase before I go (I've been pretty bad at getting back into taking this properly since the move).

I've joined a choir as well :) It's predominantly elderly people, but that doesn't really bother me. They sing mostly light hearted stuff like Richard Rodgers (Bewitched, My funny Valentine etc) and a medley of songs from Guys and Dolls (love) but there are also a couple of more serious numbers so it's good fun.

I hope everyone is feeling well, much love

bad timing

Ever feel like your body is taking the piss out of you? Lol, that's how this week feels.

I got our border collie pup, called Fionn (Fin), on Thursday which was great. With each new day he gets more and more crazy so I can't wait til he's had all his injections and can go for walks instead of tearing through the house, jumping up on the couch and pissing off the cat.

Thursday my appetite was shocking, Friday was the same, then Saturday came and my chest went nuts. Come Sunday I was asleep practically all day, and when I was awake it was like my limbs were lead and just moving was so tough. Yesterday brought a full blown cold into the mix, blood streaking and just generally feeling lousy, so I gave in and phoned the CF team. I'm not gonna be seen unless things don't get better or get worse, but I started on a couple of orals that I have in the house in the hopes that it'll stave off any time off work. In the past I would just have gone up to clinic, but now it's such a hassle and I can't just go without telling anybody now either (as in, family etc).

Looking after a 13 week old border collie is tough work at the best of times, but my patience is wearing extremely thin cause I'm so tired and feeling poo that I just want to go back to bed.

Here are a couple of pics of Fionn when I just brought him home. He was such an angel that day lol




not many border collies in the world with black, white, tan and grey/black spots.



sleepy wee dog



he has such a cute little face


PS I've decided after much discussion that the rabbit shall be called Gandalf. He has the coolest long grey/brown hair so it's quite fitting haha.

Best. Clinic. Appointment. Ever.

So, the title says it all.

Lungs were stable, weight was up, tummy was a bit rumbly but nothing major. To top it off, they've taken me off flucloxacillin. I feel a bit weird about it after being on it every day for about 15 years, but I haven't grown staph for about a year now and they think it should help with my "candida problem". It better! I'm getting sick to death of the constant low grade pain and the taste and all the symptoms that come with candida in other places. Delightful.

It was also a great appointment because I took along some wedding pictures which distracted everybody enough that there was nothing to moan about haha. Clearly this is the answer to getting through clinic appointments!

Well, we've been in our new house just under a month now (next Friday we hit a month) and today I am going across to the mainland to get a DOG!! We're getting a 12 week old border collie :) It's gonna be a nightmare to start cause he hasn't had any jags so can't do big walks, but we have both had dogs (James had a border collie) and we got Fudge as a pup, so I think we're fairly confident we know what we're doing. We also have the added bonus of a sheep dog trainer who lives next door. As you can imagine, he mainly works with border collies, which is even better.

Work is picking up, slowly but surely. I have 14 pupils on the mainland and all but 1 of them have been with me since before the summer. I even have 1 who has been with me since my very first day, which is brilliant. She did amazingly well in her prep test and is preparing now for grade 1 :) As for Arran, I have 1 singing pupil and 4 piano pupils, and I know I will have at least 1 more of each in the next few weeks once they have returned from holidays. I don't really want to do singing to be honest, it's embarrassing when things start shifting in the lungs and make me cough and splutter all over the place, but there has been demand for it so I can't really turn down the opportunity for more work.

I will post a pic of puppy once I've picked him up. Excited. And James is even more excited! lol

Hope you're all keeping well, and love to Gem who's having a rough time xxx

little Scotland

Where to start? So much has happened in the last month or so that it's hard to know...

Well, first off, our honeymoon was fantastic. I don't have any of the photos on this computer (I'm on James' laptop cause a whole row of my keyboard doesn't work, and the pics are on my dads computer anyway!) so can't post any on here, but there are lots of them on facebook :) We were in Vallehermoso, La Gomera, and it was relaxing, very interesting, traditional, and just great really. We both enjoyed it so much. You know when you go somewhere and really feel a connection...it was like that for both of us. The people were extremely nice, although they spoke very little English which was a challenge for me as I have never learned any Spanish. We did a few walks, mainly in the National Park (Garajonay), ate out, BBQed, went to beaches, museums, sun bathed, read lots and spent lots of time chilling.

On the Saturday before we left there was a festival on called "Atlantic Sound" (or Atlantico Sonoro) where they had lots of activities on during the day. James had a lesson on the didgeridoo, we both learned how to use the local "clay" to make a dragon tree each (mine was rubbish!) and there were other things on like yoga, pilates, African drumming etc etc. It was basically a hippy festival, it was great fun. That night there was a concert in the main square of Vallehermoso which was awesome! The first band were Spanish and had lots of percussion, including a tap dancer who was used as part of the rhythm section, it was very cool for a music geek. The 2nd band were African and also very cool, lots of drums and strange instruments I'd never seen before. We spent the whole night sitting outside 1 of the bars in the square eating pizza and drinking wine and Gomeron (the local grape brandy mixed with palm honey) and the most hideous shot ever which we could taste for at least 3 days after drinking it. Ew.

Our very last night was spent on Tenerife to make our journey to the airport home easier. Turns out Tenerife is a bit mad and they put lots of alcohol in their drinks. I didn't feel hugely drunk, or certainly not the drunkest I've ever been, but I had the most awful night. It felt like my lungs and sinuses had filled to bursting with mucus and I couldn't breathe properly in my sleep. James woke a few times worrying about how much I was struggling, and the next day I was very sick, which was no fun as half the day was spent in the airport. I was genuinely worried that I'd done damage thanks to not knowing exactly how much I was drinking. At least if you go out in the UK they have specific measures and you know exactly how much you're taking in.

Anyway! When we got home we started packing up the whole house for the move 6 days later. We moved last Tuesday and seem to be settling in quite well. James started back at work yesterday and my mum and sister visited me for a few hours as my sister goes back up to Dundee today and I won't see her again for ages!

As for the title of the blog, as most of you know we have moved to Arran, which is nicknamed "little Scotland", as it's mountainous at the north end and mostly farm land at the south, which is pretty much what mainland Scotland is like. We are living in Lamlash, which is only about 10 minutes drive from the ferry terminal in Brodick, and if you keep going on through Lamlash you hit Whiting Bay, which is nicknamed "little Yorkshire", which I don't think I need to explain lol.

Next week I have my first clinic appointment since moving which is gonna be a complete pain in the neck. It's on Thursday morning at 10.30, which means I need to be on the mainland on Wednesday night so I can be there on time. The other clinic option was Tuesday afternoon, which would be fine for getting off Arran and there on time, but there's no ferry to get me back! It's rubbish to be honest. Means I'm gonna be staying with mum and dad from Wednesday night til Saturday because I'm teaching on the mainland Friday evening and all day Saturday.

I also managed to freak out my new Dr surgery a bit, well, the sister anyway. She admitted herself that she doesn't really know much about CF and was a bit overwhelmed I think by my medical history. So today I'm going to meet my new GP because apparently they like to meet their new patients who have repeat prescriptions. Yawn.

This is a bit of a long blog, apologies, I'll try and update a bit more often so you don't have a book to read!


PS. James and I were very upset to find out that La Gomera has had serious forest fires since we left and that 25% of the National Park has been destroyed and will take at least 30 years to recover. Thousands of people have been evacuated from the west of the island, including from Vallehermoso. Gutted!!!